Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
