i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
