dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
