I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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