You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
