tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
