Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Drunk is a universal language darling
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
