he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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