WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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