So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
