not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
