Sober January is a disaster.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
