so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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