Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
