1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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