In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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