i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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