Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
