Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
