You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
