In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
