There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
