It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
