Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
