omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
tonight lets celebrate not being married
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
