I want to make a zoo with you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
