Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
