this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
