he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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