Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
