I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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