I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
