I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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