it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
