I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
