ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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