I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
