Fine. I'll sleep in my office
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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