Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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