I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I believe in your delicious
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
