My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
