When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
