Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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