All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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