i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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