I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
