the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
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She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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