lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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