I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
