I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
