Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
