that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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