I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I can text with my tongue
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
