we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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