Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
