apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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