TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
