she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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