she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Even my vagina gasped.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
