Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
