You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
