My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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