so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize