So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
operation have a gay friend backfired
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
