when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
