Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
