Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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