just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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