Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
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